Friday, March 25, 2011

Single Motherhood.

I have pretty well adjusted to doing everything by myself. I have found ways to save time, ways to save money & ways to multitask even more than before. I have really become productive :) I cant say its not completely exhausting to do every bit of the parenting every second of the day, but its rewarding, I can say that. I have even begun to enjoy being the only adult living here. No fighting or nitpicking at anyone, there's not that tension that was here when Seth was here, its just me & my girls, having fun. I dont have to worry about Seth not doing something I asked him to do a million times, because I just do it all myself and it gets done. No headache! After the kids go to bed, its just me. And that might sound lonely, but its not AT ALL. I never feel lonely anymore, actually. I have such fun, and tiring, days with my girls, and by the time they are in bed I am more than ready to watch a little tv alone & go to sleep whenever I feel like it. I dont have to worry about entertaining another person, or having to compromise on what we watch on tv. Its just me...and I really like that!

Although, there are definitely moments where I would give anything for a little relief. Like today, I am worn out. I couldnt hold my eyes open earlier, literally. I kept falling asleep on the couch while Hannah played & watched tv. She would wake me up pretty fast, but still. I dont want to do that. I am almost 30 weeks pregnant, and onotp of all my financial stress and having two other kids to care for all day long, yea you could say Im a little tired right now. Sometimes I do miss having someone to just give me a break for a little bit if I need...even if its just a bath in peace. Even women who have husbands that are gone a lot, its still different...because at least they have someone who loves them & who is there for them for support. Sometimes, I miss having Seth to talk to at the end of the day, or to whine to when Im having a hard time, or to just KNOW I had someone who loved me & cared for me. I have great family & friends, but having a husband was something different.

I do miss certain aspects of it all, but its in the past now. Im moving on, and we are doing just fine. Im happier as a person, that is one thing thats for SURE. Ive really had time to find myself again, and I like who I am now. I was miserable with Seth, I cant deny that. We were both in such a rut & couldnt pull out of it. And now, its been 3 & a half months since he left, and I am content with myself. I can just be me, and thats a nice thing.

Im excited to see what our future holds, the kids & I. I cant wait to have baby Hunter here with us, and be a perfect family of 4. Things are going to b great for us, I just know it. I love these kids with every bit of me, and honestly, what more can we ask for?

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