Im starting to feel better about things. I know all these struggles will come to an end, and everything will level out, its just a matter of dealing with things the best I can & staying positive for the kids. We will survive this...and somehow, we are going to end up better off. I just know it.
I think Im to the point where I dont even want to be with Seth anymore, which makes things easier on me. I go back & forth, its easy for me to fall right back into missing him, but Im trying to take everything into consideration, and figure out if I really wanted him back that bad, or if it was just the rejection & fear guiding me. Its hard to tell...because I do love him, so much, but maybe its best that we arent together as a couple. I still think we are on two totally different levels, and as weird as it is to think about, I bet there is someone out there who will be more on MY level. Someone who will fall in love with me, and my kids, and be a wonderful addition to this family. If Seth & I are really apart for good, the kids are going to have a step-dad one day, and I will do a good job at picking one for them when the time is right. Im nowhere near interested in that right now. I want to get my life on track first, then I can think about that stuff. Right now, my life is all about my kids & making sure we make it through this. Thats how it should be.
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