What have I done?

I was dying to do something for ME. I spend every hour of the day taking care of everyone. I clean everyone's dishes. I wash everyone's clothes. I feed & water the pets. I get Hailey to & from school. I make sure she gets all her homework done every week. I get her to & from baseball practices and games. I manage the playgroup, scheduling a few playdates a week. I pick up after everyone at home. I get both the girls baths & to bed at night. I get the mail every day, pay ALL the bills, manage our finances. I do all the grocery shopping. Its only a small list I am sure...point is, I do it all. I was more than ready to take some time to myself.

So, I signed up for Phlebotomy class. I figured...2 evenings a week wont be bad. Seth can get them off work, it will be fine. Once I signed up, I found out I also had a month & a half to do 80-100 hours of clinical time in the hospital ontop of class hours. Yikes. At least I managed to get the closer hospital & not the one 45 minutes away like mostly everyone else in my class. I cant even imagine that...

So far, Ive learned a few things. 1. Scrubs make me look fat. 2. I might have a weak stomach for needles & blood after all. And most of all, my place is home with my kids.

Being away from my house, my kids, my pets, my house cleaning...its killing me. I miss everyone so much. I see Seth for 10 minutes between me getting home & him heading to work for the night. In the evening, when I DONT have class, I spend it catching up on laundry & dishes, making supper & doing all the things I need to do. Only reason I am sitting here right now is because Hannah is catching a short nap before we have to get Hailey from school. I miss getting up with Hannah in the mornings, making her breakfast, feeding her, getting her juice for her, talking with her, playing with her...just being around her. I miss my afternoons of playdates with friends, cleaning house & even sometimes catching Wife Swap on TV.

My old boss called a week or so ago, and wants me to work a couple days a week doing some typing for him. The money is really good, its hard to turn it down, but how am I going to squeeze that in? Now Im trying to get a few night shifts at the hospital so I can free up a couple afternoons a week to type & make some extra money. Like tomorrow, I am dropping Hailey off at school, heading to the hospital til 1, heading to the office til 4 & heading straight to class til 7 or later. Hannah will be in bed before I make it home. : Its breaking my heart. I keep reminding myself this is only temporary. I cant do this forever...and I wouldnt want to. More & more each day I am learning how good I had it as a 'Stay at Home Mom'. I was even a very busy Stay at Home Mom, but still yet...at least all my time was dedicated to my kids. Now, I just feel like crap. I find myself wishing for this to be over & done with.

I am glad I did something for myself, I am. I needed do. But I learned that my place is right here...at home, with my kids, house, pets and hubby. Turns out, taking care of everyone else IS my thing. Its what I do, and I love it. I cant wait to get back to normal...this is no life.