Big changes.

So, we moved into a new house. We really love it here. I'm happy to be back in Hailey's school district, and it just feels 'right' living here. I hated our other house...HATED it. Lived there for a little over a year, and hated every bit of it. I dont feel that way here, and its so nice.

The pregnancy is going well. Just turned 14 weeks yesterday. 6 more weeks til we find out what we are having! I wish it were sooner, its driving us nuts :) We are dying to know.

Hannah just turned 2. What a big kid. She is so smart, she amazes me every day. Her talking is incredible, and the amount of things she knows is just awesome. She is so sweet and fun, and I just fall more in love with her every day. She is a great kid. She is still a crazy climber, and a loud-mouth, but she is a good kid. She has her moments, like any kid, but at the end of the day I am happy to have such a great toddler. There are too many brats out there, and my kid just isnt one of them.

Hailey is enjoying school as much as ever. Doing great of course, excelling in everything. I cant believe she turns 7 in a month...wow. I have been a mom for almost 7 years. Thats a long time! She is growing up so fast, and changing so much. She is a wonderful big sister, and is very excited to have a new sibling on the way (although, I think if its another girl, she will be disappointed). I really enjoy the end of the day, when Hannah is in bed & Seth is working, and I can sit and eat popcorn & watch tv (or a movie) with my big girl. Those moments are few & far between right now, but they are still so special to me. Hailey has an attitude problem sometimes, but again, she is SUCh a good kid & Im proud to call her my daughter. When I see kids the same age as mine, and see how they act & talk sometimes, it makes me realize I must be doing something right because my kids are sweet, caring little people and will continue to be. They both make me proud.

Seth got in a wreck a few weeks ago, maybe 3 or 4 weeks, I cant remember. A lady was driving through an intersection with her eyes closed, because she says she was praying. Seriously? I wont go into how stupid I think that is. Seth had a bulging disk in his neck, but steroids took care of that I guess. He is now seeing a chiropractor for 6-8 weeks & has a classic case of whiplash. Yuck. His car cost 5500.00 to fix, but her insurance paid for it all of course. He actually just got it back today, says it looks like new :) Its been a battle.

Speaking of battles, our old landlord is trying to screw us again. He has been angry with us ever sine HE messed up & signed a new lease with someone while WE were still in a contract with him. Its caused him some problems I guess, and now he is trying to think of reasons to keep our entire deposit. He cant win...he has no case, so we arent too worried, I just want things to be peaceful. Im done fighting & stressing...I just want things to be calm. We have enough to deal with right now, with moving & getting settled in, and it being Christmas-time, and preparing for this unexpected baby. Its just so much.

Most days I am fine, dont let much get to me right now. I just go with the flow & try to get used to our new routines. But some days, like today, I feel like I could just cry. (The increase in hormones isnt helping). I feel so overwhelmed. I find myself forgetting Im even pregnant because theres so much else going on, and since my sickness is gone & Im not showing THAT much yet, its easy to forget. At least that makes it go by faster!

I am just exhausted, from everything. I want to get back to 'normal life'. I want to get back to taking the girls to playdates & seeing our friends, but most the time I just want to be in jammies at home. There are so many changes right now, some I cant even talk about, but everything is for the better. Its still taking a toll on me some days. Some days I wish I had someone to talk to about everything, but theres not one person I can share EVERYTHING with, and thats tough. I dont do well with opening up, sharing personal details of my life. Mainly because people offer advice & it just ends up annoying me, because I dont think people can give fair advice when they arent living the situation. Im weird like that...

Anyway, I should take a bath while Hannah 'naps' (which means playing in her room with the door closed instead of sleeping). Hoping to get out & take the girls to Family Night at Chick-Fil-A tonight. I could use some time out of the house seeing friends.

Our big surprise...

So, yea, I am pregnant. We found out less than a week ago. I ended up taking 3 tests just to make sure. 2 that night, and 1 the next morning. I am still in shock. We didnt plan this one. I 'meant' to get pregnant with the girls...but this one was a big surprise! We are very excited though. Its funny, though, because I am the one who has practically begged to have a third, and Seth said NO NO NO! I finally got to the point where I was just fine having two kids, and didnt even want a third anymore...then I got pregnant. Funny how that works. Seth is even more excited than I am! Who would have thought?

Everyone is rooting for a boy this time, but I think I'd rather have another girl...just for convenience. I still have Hannah's things! It would be easier. But we will all be happy no matter what. Excited to be a family of 5. Wow.

I cant wait to get this going, hear the heartbeat, see ultrasounds, find out the gender...I really cant wait.

It's been awhile...

So, I havent posted in a few months. Figured I better come back...there are always random things on my mind that I would just like to ramble about. Thats what this is for, right?

I dont have much to say tonight. Ive had a great weekend with the family. Fall is upon us, and its finally starting to feel like it! I am super excited for pumpkins and scarecrows and all that stuff. Its my favorite. Too bad it never seems to last long before Winter creeps in & ruins everything.

The kids are doing wonderful. Hannah is an incredible talker. She knows what everything is, sings any song on the radio, and is just the cutest thing Ive ever seen. Hailey is doing wonderful in school, in the AR (Accelerated Reader) program, taking tennis lessons AND about to do the cheer clinic again...she swears she will like it much more this year. She also has her first 'real' boyfriend she says...named Braydon. She says he is the first boy who actually said they are boyfriend & girlfriend. I am disturbed, but its so cute. It scares the crap out of me, but it makes me excited to watch her grow up & experience new parts of life.

I generally have a lot of things to rant about...so, I will be back soon.

Tonight...I'm feeling jealous...

I feel emotional tonight, for whatever reason. I think I'm just worn out from being stared at all evening because I have the screaming kid. It's mentally exhausting to have to deal with all the looks...like I should be doing something. I am used to Hannah's screaming & yelling, I am. She isn't happy sitting in a stroller, but she is too wild & clumbsy to run free. She has NO concept of staying by me, she just runs ALL day long. Ive tried the baby backpack/leash & it makes her so angry, so it didnt work well. I just have to put her in her stroller, try to give her snacks, toys, keys, anything, but it only lasts so long until she is screaming at the top of her lungs. Not just a normal scream...it's a deep, throaty scream, and everyone stares at her & me like they have never seen anything like it. Granted, at one point I was probably like them. I never had a kid that acted like that...I automatically thought something judgmental, like 'Why isnt that mom doing something?' Having Hannah has definitely opened my eyes to a whole different world...

Anyway, the point of the post is I wish I had the chance to just be married to Seth without kids. I did things 'backwards'. I had Hailey very young, and I didnt get married til almost a couple years later. Before Seth, I didnt want anything to do with relationships. Before Hailey, I never wanted to settle down. I was only 19. I never got the chance to be married to someone and just be able to go do things, carefree. For example, we have a 4th of july festival here in town every year, and they have live music that starts around 8pm, they have food vendors with pop & funnel cakes & all kinds of yummy things, and it brings tears to my eyes thinking how bad I would LOVE it if Seth & I could just take off one night & go do something like that, with no worries. Just be a couple, in love, doing fun things & enjoying each others company. We are lucky to get a dinner together (an hour, hour & a half tops) once a month, and we cherish that but I want so much more sometimes. When I have nights like this, where I cant enjoy doing anything because I have the loud kid, it makes me think of how jealous I am of married couples who just get to experience things together & enjoy time together before having kids. I would love that with Seth...we would have so much fun together.

I dont know...he's worked til 1am, 2am, sometimes 3am this whole week, and Ive just missed him so much. We get such little time together, and I REALLY need my time with him. I start feeling so distant when we miss out on alone time...and I just envy the people who are down there at the park, listening to live music, eating junky over-priced carnival food...I'd give anything for that to be me right now.

It goes without saying, that I wouldnt trade my kids for anything in the world...but right now, Im just having one of those moments...ya know?

Feeling weird today...

I hate when I have a weird mood going on & I put my finger on it. I just feel...off today. I think it might be a combination of ALOT of things I have going through my head at one time. Its like I have alot to think about, but not enough time. My thoughts start to jumble & I dont get anything accomplished. Got some things having to do with Hailey on my mind, got some things having to do with Seth on my mind, some general things, some Hannah things, some pet things, some house things, just so many 'things' going through my head today for some reason.

Its putting me in a super weird mood.

I need to get up & get ready to go to our playdate, and I LOVE seeing our friends, but I feel like I am lacking motivation. I dont feel very friendly today...I dont know. I feel like I want to get alot of things off my chest but no one to tell them to. I wish I kept a journal, like I always used to, but I dont feel safe keeping something like that anymore. When I lived alone, it wasnt a big deal, but Im way too paranoid someone will find it & snoop...and when I am sharing my most personal thoughts, I dont want anyone to know them.

I just need to make myself get dressed, maybe I will feel better.

I just love life.

Seriously, I enjoy life so much...to the point where I cant stand to be around people who are always complaining & griping about every...little...thing. Drives me nuts, and its such a downer.

Happiness is a conscious choice. Its not luck, you have to CHOOSE to enjoy life, and I have chosen that. It doesnt matter what I do each day, I enjoy it. I enjoy it if we have a million places to go. I enjoy it if we stay in jammies all day. I enjoy going to work even. I enjoy just driving in the car on a summer night. I enjoy watching tv, or playing with the girls or just anything. Its so wonderful. I wasnt always that way, but I got to the point where I wanted to just be happy. And I am. If the day doesnt go as planned, I smile & go on, thinking of a different way to enjoy it. I dont get worked up over the small things anymore. I genuinely enjoy being alive, and it's wonderful :)

I wish more people could learn to live their life happier...so many people are so down, and negative. I feel so bad for them. Im all the time hearing people gripe & complain about being 'bored', and thats something I will never understand. Especially for parents. I havent had time to be bored in YEARS! There's ALWAYS something to be doing, even if its just enjoying a show on tv. I find only boring people get 'bored' all the time. People need to learn to entertain themselves & stop expecting the world to do it for them.

I wish I could teach people how to be happy, and enjoy each day. So many people just...dont...and its such a sad way to live. We arent here forever, and I am going to enjoy the time I have here.

I just love my zest for life, I really do. Im so much more laid back than I used to be, so easy-going. I just dont get all stressed out over things. If no one is dying or seriously injured, Im like 'whatever', and its SO refreshing.

I just wish I could spread my happiness onto other people.

Oh lordy...

Rant time.

One of my least favorite things is when someone who has been a parent for a whole 5 minutes thinks they know EVERYTHING. Oh so disturbing. THAT is when it's hard to bite my tongue. The only thing that keeps me quiet is knowing I was there at one point, too. I was young, close-minded, had VERY little experience in parenthood. I am sure I thought I knew it all. I was judgmental of other parents, on things I had ZERO knowledge about. Looking back, I feel stupid even knowing how I thought, but luckily, experience (and having a second child) has opened my eyes and I couldnt be more understanding of other parents & kids as I am now.

But I hate when people are idiots about things. Its tough to deal with. Especially when its obvious they barely know what to do with their own kid, but they have such an opinion on everyone else's. Yea, good one.

Anyway, just wanted to get it off my chest. :) People are ignorant, and it sucks.